i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize