what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
