Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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