I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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