epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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