yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
