wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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