i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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