did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
