Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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