plz talk dirty to me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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