If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
