i think i have herpe
just one?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
