tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
