you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
