I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
