Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
