So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
