I wish I could teleport
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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