Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
