either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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