im six kinds of drunk right now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
