for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
