also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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