I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
