Kiss
Puke
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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