Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
