Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't deserve a penis
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
