hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
