I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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