I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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