He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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