i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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