when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
