my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize