...so i touched it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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