also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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