Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
