Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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