I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
