mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
