You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
