OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize