there's paper in my vomit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
