I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
