I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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