I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
