I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
