Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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