i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
