4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
