So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
