I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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