saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ttyl tear gas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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