It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
