I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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