He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
