Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize