You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
