3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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