So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Randomize
