You can't motorboat a personality
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize