I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
