I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
