it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
