His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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