I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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