dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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