What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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