He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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