Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
