What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
