we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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