whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
