I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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