Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
