Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
