If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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