your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
