I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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