I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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