He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
