how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
