omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
