eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
