yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
