he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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