i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
