I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
