and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
