I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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