if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
