so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize