omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
