i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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