i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
