What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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