What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
