as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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