nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
