Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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