You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
