I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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