Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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