I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
