the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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