hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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