just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
