..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
