i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
