ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
