I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
