We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
