There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
