Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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