just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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