Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my poor anus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
