I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
