His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize